Relationship tip of the week #6-How to end almost any argument

How many times do you find yourself in an argument saying things to your partner that you know you will regret later. The key to stopping any of these verbal battles is to slow down the process. This can be accomplished with one little phrase: "I will take that under consideration". Since all arguments are about trying to convince each other of who is right, this stops the downward spiral, by indicating that you are willing to consider your partner's point of view. Of course this will not work, if you are not really open to looking at how your partner is seeing the present situation. State that you will take a day to think about it and then in fact, try to imagine how he/she is feeling about what you were discussing(this is very difficult to do as we are often afraid that we might have to give in to her/his view) and come back the next day with your thoughts about which you were originally arguing. If the argument starts up again, repeat the process or indicate that it is clear that you each have some very strong differences around this issue and may need some ongoing discussion before a compromise or solution can be reached.

Relationship tip of the week #5-The best book on communication for couples

In my opinion the best book on communiaction for couples that has ever been written is "After the Honeymoon" by Dan Wile. This book had been out of print but is now available at Amazon.com as the author has published a revised edition himself. You cannot get this in the bookstores. I will have a supply of them in my office after January 26th for anyone who is interested in purchasing one(cost is $15). Dan Wile has an uncanny knack for capturing real life interactions, where they go wrong, what can be done to recover and get back on track. He also talks about the ten rules of communiation that most therapists teach and why they do not work when there is a disagreement. He believes that true intimacy is a couple's ability to talk about their issues with one another and that the inability to do so inevitably leads to symptoms such as lonliness, depression, infidelity, divorce, etc. This is the one book to read if you want to improve your ability to communicate with your partner.

Relationship tip of the week #4-Taking the couple's temperature

This simple act is one of the most important ways to improve your relationship. Take the time each day to check in with your partner about how he/she perceives the health of the relationship. Ask your partner each day if she/he feels loved by you. If the answer is yes, the couple is most likely doing well. If your partner says no, ask why and what you could do right now to help create that feeling. This is usually harder for men to do since they are hoping that everything is okay and will tend to avoid talks that are focused on the relationship; however, a man that takes the time to do this will improve the relationship simply by asking and thus demonstrating that he cares about his partner's feelings.

Relationship Tip of the Week #3-A little romance

You will be surprised how much of an impact small reminders of your connection will have upon your partner. A single rose, a post-it note on the bathroom mirror that says i love you, a chocolate kiss on the pillow, a romantic card, a poem, a voice mail with loving words, a lingering kiss, a long hug. All of these and of course 1000 other simple but loving acts will strengthen the connection between the two of you. Most important to keep in mind is being consistent. Once or twice a week over the course over a year add up to a lot of positive expressions of the love you hold for your partner.

If you have any suggestions to add to my list, please feel free to write them on my blog.

Relationship tip of the week #2-The Mystery Date

Are you looking to spice up your realtionship? This simple but fun activity will bring both excitement and passion back into your realtionship. Take turns with your partner planning a "mystery date". This can be something romantic such as a trip to an unusual restaurant, a play, a day trip to a spa, or something simple and inexpensive like a walk down the streets of a village that neither of you are familiar with to window shop or try an unknown cafe or a walk in a park or nature preserve that neither of you know. The key element is obviously the surprise(do not tell your partner where you are going so he/she is guessing right up to the moment you arrive). The fact that both of you are taking the time to plan(even if it doesn't turn out perfect) a date demonstrates to one another the commitment you each have to make your realtionship a priority. A date once a month or every two months will have you looking forward to spending quality and fun time together.

Relationship Tip of the Week #1

One of the bests ways to go to sleep at night is to take a minute before you put your head on the pillow and each take a turn expressing your gratitude to your partner for something she/he has done or some aspect of his/her personality that makes your life richer. You will notice that your morning will start with a much more positive attitude towards your spouse.

Best Book To Improve Your Relationship

Hi readers,

For my first blog, i am suggesting that the best book to improve your relationship is:
"The Seven Principle for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman, the foremost expert on marital research in our country. I have found this to be extremely helpful to couples who want to improve their relationship. The book is very easy to read and his exercises are simple and keep the focus on his basic premise which is the establishment of a five to one ration of positive to negative behaviors.