Relationship tip of the week #29-Living With An Open Heart

In the spirit of the holidays, i would like to encourage each of us to take a moment to consider what it means to live with an open heart, especially with your partner.
Try this simple visualilzation and physical exercise:
Find a space where you can be alone. Stand up, close your eyes, and open your arms wide as if you are about to give a great big hug. Take a few deep breaths and imagine your heart is also wide open and ready to share and receive love. Now imagine your partner is standing in front of you. If you feel comfortable, invite him/her into your embrace. Enjoy the moment. If you feel cautious or hesitant, take a few more deep breaths and let any reservations come forward. Examine them and ask yourself what is the worst that will happen if you continue to live with an open heart. Most likely, the worst scenario is that in some way your partner will behave in a way which causes you to feel pain. Take a few more deep breaths and imagine that your love will help you to deal with any pain that comes your way. Knowing that your love can support you, invite them in to your heart and embrace them with all of your love.
How do you feel?
If you are ready, find your partner and invite them into your heart.
Happy Holidays

Relationship tip of the week #28-6 hugs a day

One of the first things that starts to disappear in a relationship in which resentment has become common is affectionate touch. To remedy this loss of physical contact, authors of "How To Improve Your Relationship Without Talking About It", Pat Love and Stephen Stosny suggest 6 hugs a day for 6 seconds. They believe that "The 6 second minimum recognizes that in the beginning some of those hugs will be forced. They can start out forced but will become genuine at about the fourth or fifth second, provided that you are attached and not in the contempt stage of detachment. This kind of embrace increases serotonin levels to give a general calming effect that can even help to reduce appetite. Not a bad deal-you'll feel better in general and less edgy, irritable and sad in particular and maybe drop a pound 0r two in the process of feeling closer".

Relationship tip of the week #27-Five minutes a day to a deeper connection

I am continuing to blog about, How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It by Patricia Love and Stephen Stosny. This week i will begin with "The Power Love Formula". This formula includes four actions which each partner can make and carry out independently of their spouse.
1) Keep your partner in your heart four times times a day.
2) Hug your partner 6 times a day for at least 6 seconds each.
3) Maintain positive thoughts about your relationship in your mind.
4) Make a contract with yourself to give your love with compassion and generosity.

Over the next four weeks, i will take each of the above and describe them in more detail. I will also talk about the challenge of feeling as if you are the only one working on the relationship.

Relationship tip of the week #26-"How to improve your relationship without talking about it"

I am excited to share the title of a book on marriage which i think is worth reading: "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About it" by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny. This book takes a look at the difficulty that men and women have speaking with one another but gives it a fresh look with deeper insights into this problem that plagues most relationships today. Over the next month or two i will be blogging about some of the ideas and next week i will begin with the authors' suggestions for how to improve your marriage or relationship in just 4 and a half minutes a day without talking or having to tell your partner what you are doing.

Relationship tip of the week #25-Making your partner a #1 priority

Feeling very low on your partner's priority list is not an unusual feeling in a relationship. Work, the children, parents, friends and even the dog get more attention than you do. A great exercise to remedy this problem is for each partner to take a turn asking and answering the following question each day:

"What can i do for you today that will let you know that you are important to me?"

While a simple hug, a kiss, taking out the garbage, picking up the kids, arranging for a babysitter, and listening to the events of the day may not seem much at the moment, multiply that by 365 days a year and each of you are making a special effort and taking time to give and receive from one another.

Please note, the requests should be limited to relatively simple behaviors and not changes in one's partner's behaviors or solutions to long standing unresolved issues.

Relationship tip of the week #24-A little loving touch goes a long way

A great way to stay "in touch" with each other is to make it a part of your weekly routine to share some form of physical contact with each other that is not sexual. My suggestion is that at least once a week, each partner take a turn giving some shoulder, back, neck or foot massage, back scratching, scalp massage or light tickling. Massage oil and/or lighting a candle contribute to setting a relaxing mood. I also think it is a good idea to alternatae days so the individual receiving the "loving touch" can really enjoy it. Keeping the time to ten minutes also makes this experience one that does not require a great deal of energy or preparation.

Relationship tip of the week #23-The Airplane Analogy

I like to pose this question to clients who are immersed in "caretaking" behaviors with their partner. If you are sitting next to a child on an airplane and the oxygen masks drop because of an emergency, whose mask should you put on first. Very often, "caretakers" will say "the child of course". On second thought, it usually becomes obvious that putting on one's own mask is the first order of business as one's own breathing is essential in case things don't go as expected.
In relationships this translates to-First love and nurture yourself so that you have energy to give to others. If you do not take care of yourself, you will have very little to offer those you love. Yes, this is selfish, but without self care, we all gradually lose our vitality and ability to relate.