Sunday, November 28, 2010

Relationship Tip of the Week #54-Being The Best Partner You Can Be-Part 2

This week i am listing the behaviors and attitudes that i believe are a part of the essence of "Being the best partner you can be":

1) Give your partner the benefit of the doubt-don't assume the worst
2) When your partner expresses his/her concerns, listen with an open heart and mind
3) Explore and understand your own defensiveness
4) Whenever possible be inviting rather than demanding
5) Express your concerns about the relationship in non threatening ways
6) Take the time to understand how your partner thinks and feels
7) Put time, energy and love into your partnership on a daily basis
8) Find fun activities to share together
9) Be honest
10) Be willing to face your differences and find creative ways to either solve them or live with them in love and tolerance.

In the following ten weeks, i will describe each of the above in more detail.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Relationship of the Week #53-Being the Best Partner You Can Be-Part 1

All to often in our relationships, it is far easier to focus your attention on what is not being given to you or how one's partner is acting. In this four part series of posts, i will offer my view of the most effective way to change a relationship-Being The Best partner You Can Be

This can be very confusing at times since it is not always clear what this means and how to carry it out effectively. I will first list what it is not:

1) Doing whatever your partner wants
2) Giving into requests that go against the core of your value system
3) Basing it soley on your partner's view of how you should act
4) Trying to anticipate your partner's needs
5) Putting yourself second
6) Enabling your partner's addictive behaviors

Next week, i will talk about what i consider to be the essence of "Being The Best Partner You can Be"

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Relationship Tip of the Week #52-Its the Little Things That Count-Part 3

You know that it would help to follow through on my suggestions for positive interaction in the previous two blogs but you are stuck. What can you do?

Overcoming Your Resistance

1) Start with a small committment-Do one of the actions for a week
2) Think of these behaviors as an experiment; not something you will have to do forever-if they work you can continue, if not you can try something else.
3) Imagine how you would feel if your partner was initiating these actions and whether it would stimulate loving feelings in you.
4) By following through when angry or hurt, you will be able to demonstrate to yourself that you do not have to be controlled by your emotions and model this behavior to your partner.
5) Consider that every positive action you make in your relationship is letting your partner know that you condider him/her a priority in your life

Next week-Being the Best Partner You Can Be

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Relationship Tip of the Week #51-It's the little things that count-Part 2

Last week i listed three simple actions that are almost guaranteed to improve your relationship and yet i am guessing that most of you were not able to follow through on these suggestons consistently or even at all.

Why is this so difficult?

1) Hurt and Anger-Once your partner disappoints you or does something which stimulates your anger, it is very difficult to remember to do the "little things" or if you do remember it is hard to give something to someone who has evoked emotional pain.
2) "Why am I the only one who is giving?" It is normal to feel angry if your partner is not giving anything back to you.
3) "I will teach him/her a lesson so she/he can see how it feels"-It makes sense when you are angry to hold back to see if your partner realizes what is missing or being taken for granted.
4) These behaviors feel articifical, awkward and corny.
5) If your relationship has been suffering for a long time and you have feelings of despair about ever feeling loved or cared for it is hard to believe that activities that are so simple could really have an impact when the problems you face and the differences that have emerged are so great.

How can you overcome these challenging feelings? Next week i will conclude with a post on overcoming your resistance to being the best partner you can be.