Sunday, June 27, 2010

Relationship tip of the week #47-"The Ideal Relationship"

I was asked the other day what is my definition of "the ideal relationship". So here it is:

Two partners who are committed to help each other to have the best possible lives while respecting each other's differences.

This is obviously not so easy to do as what might help one person to have a good life may create pain for the other and thus raises many questions and challenges. Who should make the sacrifice and when do you take care of yourself versus helping your partner? What does the best possible life mean anyway? How can you respect each other's differences if your partner has an addiction?

If you have any thoughts or feedback about the challenges of a committed relationship, please e-mail me at and i will write more about this topic in the next few weeks.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Relationship tip of the week #46-5 steps to help deal wih solvable problems-Part 2

John Gottman in his book, "7 principles to make marriage work" lists 5 steps that he believes significantly help couples to deal with their solvable problems.
It is important to note that these behaviors and techniques are not complicated but ways of relating that we already utilize-with friends but have stopped using with our partners.

1) Soften your start up
2) Learn to make and receive repair attempts
3) Soothe yourself and each other
4) Compromise
5) Be tolerant of each other's faults

Over the next 5 weeks, i will write in more detail about each of these appraoches to solvable problems.