Sunday, February 12, 2012

Relationship Tip of the Week #90-Caring

If you want to take a quick check of the status of your relationship, ask your partner:
"Do you feel cared about by me at this moment?"

Many of us are frightened to ask this question because the answer may be no. And yet, what better way to find out if your partner has some issues that need to be addressed. Many men are afraid to open this door and let a barrage of complaints come through but will claim that they want their partner to be happy. Both partners often feel as if they are already doing everything they can to care for their partner and thus they often feel overwhelmed, unappreciated or simply hurt by their partner's statements.

It is actually an act of courage and caring at the same time to ask this question and hear where you stand with your partner.

If you are able to do this and your worse fears are realized and your partner is not feeling cared about, take a deep breath and listen to what is being said. You do not have to defend yourself(this will definitely make matters worse), nor come up with a quick solution or what may be an empty promise to change your behavior. Take a day to think about what your partner needs and whether you can truly make changes to help him/her to feel cared for by you. If you do not think you can meet your partner's requests, state that you will continue to think about what she/he needs and will remain open to the possibility of change. If you can stretch yourself to be more sensitive to what your partner needs than of course take action.

At the very least, the act of inquiring, will help the two of you to become more connected.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Relationship Tip of the Week #89-Instant Romance

If you have been feeling disconnected from your partner for a while and you want an instant fix, i suggest you find a copy of the song you used for your first dance at your wedding or a slow romantic song that has meaning for you and your partner, take your spouse's hand , turn down the lights, turn up the music, pull him/her to you, hold each other close as you move in unison and let the memory of the love that brought you together wash over your mind's eye.

If you don't have a favorite romantic song, i offer a brief list of mine:

Have i told you lately that i love you? by Van Morrison
Just A Kiss by Lady Antebellum
At Last by Etta James or my favorite version by Red and the Red Hots(excellent swing band from the 90's) which is easier to dance to
I won't Let Go by Rascal Flatts.
Someone Like You by Van Morrison
I Finally Found Someone by Barbara Streisand and Bryan Adams

If you have a favorite romantic song, please e-mail it to me at and i will list it in one of my relationship tips in March.