Sunday, February 13, 2011

Relationship Tip of the Week #64-on Being Right-Part 2-Alternatives

So what are the best ways to defuse an "I'm Right and You're Wrong Situation" ?

1) If it is a disagreement over something relatively small like the day or time something took place, reframe the discussion by saying " we obviously remember it differently". If your partner insists that his/her version is correct; ask yourself why you are fighting over this relatively insignificant piece of information. If there is not a really good reason, simply say, well you could be right so i am not going to argue over this. Remember "it takes two to tangle" and if one lets go of the struggle the arguement ends.

2) If the diasgreement is about something that seems more important like financial or career decisions, you can shift the discussion, by saying, "clearly we have two different views and each believes we are right. How about you go first and present your points and i will listen without interrupting and then when you are finished, i will present my points and then lets take a day to consider the possibility of compromise, alternative choices or a change in one of our ways of thinking and then revisit it tomorrow and see where we are".

3) If each of you feel very strongly about her/his belief and there is no movement towards one of the views or a middle ground, it is best to state "it appears we are stuck or at an impasse". Suggest that you take a week off and then revisit the impasse. If you are still stuck, it is important to ackowledge that each of you feel stongly about his/her position but fighting or trying to convince each other about who is right and who is wrong can only lead to distancing and disconnection. This may not solve the immediate situation but stepping back sometimes puts a situation in perspective or it may resolve due to circumstances beyond either person's control.

However, there are long standing impasses or differences which appear to be unresolvable and feel like "dealbreakers". I will write about these in next week's blog.

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