It is easy for couples to get into impasses in which each believes that the other is not making an effort and then stops making any efforts to foster positive experiences in the relationship. In order to break the logjam of negative feelings and hopelessness that can arise, i would suggest the following experiment for the new year:
1) Pick one of your behaviors that you know is challenging for your partner or you have received many requests to change.
2) Think about how changing your behavior might impact the relationship
3) Make a committment to yourself to alter this behavior for the next month whether or not your partner is making any changes to improve the relationship
4) Do not tell your partner that you are doing this
5) Notice if you see any shifts in your partners attitude or behavior over the next month and keep a record of it
6) Keep a record of your own changes in behavior and write a few sentences about how difficult it is to follow through on a day to day basis especially if you get angry at your partner