Relationship tip of the week #32-Give your love with compassion and generosity

This week, i will conclude my blogging on "How To Improve Your Relationship Without Talking About It" by Pat Love and Steven Stosny with a look at the final element of their "Power Love Formula"-Handing out love with compassion and generosity. The authors suggest that you make a simple contact between yourself and your partner by stating "This is how i will show my love for you every day" and then list the ways in which you will carry out that promise. Writing it on a piece of paper and giving it to your partner makes it more real and strengthens the comittment.
Examples might be: speaking in a kind voice; lighting a candle at bedtime; making the morning coffee; leave love notes once a week; etc. My suggestion for ensuring your success is to start with one or two actions and if you are able to consistently deliver these, than consider adding one or two more rather than a long list which may not be as easy to follow through when starting on this element of the formula.

Relationship tip of the week #31-Hold Positive Thoughts

We continue with the Power Love Formula described by Pat Love and Steven Stosny in their book, "How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It".
The third action is holding positive thoughts about your relationship. This only takes about a minute and can be done several times during the day. Simply pause, close your eyes and imagine several of the positive qualities that your partner possesses. This is very helpful overall but particularly if you are going through a rough stretch as it can balance the negative images that may pass before your mind's eye during the course of a day.

Relationship tip of the week #30-Hold your partner close to your heart

Today i will be describing the second of four elements of "The Power Love Formula" put forth by Pat Love and Steven Stosny in their book, "How to improve your marriage without talking about it". This is the conscious decision to think about your partner in a positive way four times during the day: 1) when you wake up 2)before you leave home 3) when you return 4) as you go to sleep. Obviously, starting the day with a positive thought about your partner is going to put you in a good frame of mind and as you add to this intitial conscious decision, the remaining ones will build upon one another until you go to sleep and what better way to start an evening of dreaming than with a feeling of love towards your partner. Of course this is not always easy to do when you are angry, but by practicing this routine daily, it will become second nature even when you and your partner may be at odds with each other.

Relationship tip of the week #29-Living With An Open Heart

In the spirit of the holidays, i would like to encourage each of us to take a moment to consider what it means to live with an open heart, especially with your partner.
Try this simple visualilzation and physical exercise:
Find a space where you can be alone. Stand up, close your eyes, and open your arms wide as if you are about to give a great big hug. Take a few deep breaths and imagine your heart is also wide open and ready to share and receive love. Now imagine your partner is standing in front of you. If you feel comfortable, invite him/her into your embrace. Enjoy the moment. If you feel cautious or hesitant, take a few more deep breaths and let any reservations come forward. Examine them and ask yourself what is the worst that will happen if you continue to live with an open heart. Most likely, the worst scenario is that in some way your partner will behave in a way which causes you to feel pain. Take a few more deep breaths and imagine that your love will help you to deal with any pain that comes your way. Knowing that your love can support you, invite them in to your heart and embrace them with all of your love.
How do you feel?
If you are ready, find your partner and invite them into your heart.
Happy Holidays

Relationship tip of the week #28-6 hugs a day

One of the first things that starts to disappear in a relationship in which resentment has become common is affectionate touch. To remedy this loss of physical contact, authors of "How To Improve Your Relationship Without Talking About It", Pat Love and Stephen Stosny suggest 6 hugs a day for 6 seconds. They believe that "The 6 second minimum recognizes that in the beginning some of those hugs will be forced. They can start out forced but will become genuine at about the fourth or fifth second, provided that you are attached and not in the contempt stage of detachment. This kind of embrace increases serotonin levels to give a general calming effect that can even help to reduce appetite. Not a bad deal-you'll feel better in general and less edgy, irritable and sad in particular and maybe drop a pound 0r two in the process of feeling closer".

Relationship tip of the week #27-Five minutes a day to a deeper connection

I am continuing to blog about, How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It by Patricia Love and Stephen Stosny. This week i will begin with "The Power Love Formula". This formula includes four actions which each partner can make and carry out independently of their spouse.
1) Keep your partner in your heart four times times a day.
2) Hug your partner 6 times a day for at least 6 seconds each.
3) Maintain positive thoughts about your relationship in your mind.
4) Make a contract with yourself to give your love with compassion and generosity.

Over the next four weeks, i will take each of the above and describe them in more detail. I will also talk about the challenge of feeling as if you are the only one working on the relationship.

Relationship tip of the week #26-"How to improve your relationship without talking about it"

I am excited to share the title of a book on marriage which i think is worth reading: "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About it" by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny. This book takes a look at the difficulty that men and women have speaking with one another but gives it a fresh look with deeper insights into this problem that plagues most relationships today. Over the next month or two i will be blogging about some of the ideas and next week i will begin with the authors' suggestions for how to improve your marriage or relationship in just 4 and a half minutes a day without talking or having to tell your partner what you are doing.